Friday, October 3, 2008

I remember.....


When I was a little girl this was our families birthday season.  We began with my Mom on September 15th , followed one week later with my birthday, three days later it was my brother Ted's special day and days after followed my father's birthday. 
     Today my father would have turned 84.  It is hard to realize, especially  because at 56 I have now lived ten years longer than my father did.  I still grieve his passing and I can still find that deep part of my soul that remembers it like it was yesterday.  I cannot go there, because it still hurts to much.
     I miss that my dad never knew me as an adult. I miss that he never knew my husband, or held his grandchildren.  I miss so much.  But in the way that all tragedies have the opportunity to teach us lessons, I learned at the age of eighteen that life is not certain, and each day is a gift that must be cherished.
     I also found out that my Mom could be my best friend.  At an age when young people are excited about college life, dating and just experiencing all the fun things young people do, I was a sad girl who could find no joy in any of those things.  So my Mom became my companion at antiwar rallies, concerts and together we found a way to move forward with less pain and more optimism.  There were more silver linings to our cloud....I met Jim.  He was the one person who could understand my sadness.  He had lost his father too, and together we grew in friendship that later became love.  It was my mother who knew when he came to the door that he would be the one that I would marry.
     So this day would have been a celebration...maybe a lemon meringue pie, which my Dad loved more than cake.  We would have silently been happy the season was over. So many birthdays in such a short time.  This day never passes that I don't think of my Dad.  His love and  devotion to his family, his intense sensitivity and caring nature.  I have never stopped missing him. Happy Birthday Papa.  You are always in my heart. 

4 comments:

Jonathan said...

Happy Birthday Opa!

Meghan Hein said...

Wow, you know how to bring a girl to tears... I always wonder what Opa was like and often think about what parts of him make you who you are. I can only imagine how incredible he was and how proud he would be of all you have become.

jkboller said...

I remember your dad very well and how sad we were at his sudden passing. So glad that since then, we've become as close as sisters and share so many memories of those old days in Long Beach and then Garden Grove...I think what really comes to mind as a little girl was your dad's mynah bird who could fool just about anyone with his talking when we would walk in the house...but something the bird did when my dad walked in was totally unexpectant! Since my dad at that time smoked and coughed alot, whenever we'd arrive and the bird would see my dad, the bird would "cough!" It was amazing. I think that bird was one of the main reasons why my dad quit smoking!

Happy Birthday, oom Theo...

Taria M. said...

This post is so real and raw, Anne, and it touched a very tender part of my heart. Although I haven't gotten married or had children yet, my mom will miss those big events in my life, and it will be those days that I will yearn for more than any others. It's difficult to realize how short their lives were cut, and how we are somehow able to keep moving forward even though they are no longer at our sides. God bless you, Anne. I know your dad is looking down on you, and that is so proud of you! I love you!

From "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore - in the Chapter on Loss

"Perhaps the most profound miracle of all is living through something we thought would kill us. And not just living, but living abundantly and efectively - raised from living death to a new life. A life indeed absent of something or someone dear but filled with the presense of the Resurrection and the Life." (Can we say AMEN to that!?) :)